Bonjour Cherie Read online

  ‘We need to talk,’ he said.

  ‘Where’s your friend, Chelsea?’ I said, in no mood to give an inch.

  ‘She’s gone to the Ladies. You know it’s not serious between us. She’s the daughter of some friends of my parents. We’ve known each other for a while. Occasionally we’ve gone out, but that’s all.’

  ‘Don’t think she shares your opinion there, Zach. But it doesn’t matter because it’s none of my business who you go out with.’ I picked up my drinks ready to move off, but he placed a hand on my arm.

  ‘It matters to me what you think. I know I haven’t been completely honest with you.’

  ‘Hah! Understatement,’ I said.

  ‘Then give me a chance to explain. Please,’ he looked at me and something inside me softened.

  ‘Go ahead then.’

  ‘Not here. Not now. Later. I could come to your place after I’ve dropped Chelsea off. We’re leaving shortly. I’ll pick you up in the ute. We could go for a drive.’

  I was uncertain. Being with Zach in his ute late at night, especially after I’d had a couple of drinks didn’t sound very wise to me. ‘I don’t know. I’m here with my sister and she’s going back to Brisbane tomorrow.’

  ‘I won’t keep you out for long. I just want the chance to explain a few things to you.’ His dark fringed eyes had a look of pleading in them.

  ‘I’ll see, maybe—if we don’t get home too late. I’ll text you,’ I said.

  ‘Thanks,’ he squeezed my arm and let me go. I went back to our table. Lauren, to give her credit, didn’t say a word and I didn’t fill her in on what had happened between Zach and me. Perhaps I’d suggest we go home after we finished our drinks.

  A couple of guys came in just as I was drinking the last of my glass of chardonnay. To my surprise I saw Paul and with him—André! This was getting more like Central Station every minute.

  ‘That’s him,’ I said to Lauren.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘André, the one with the white T-shirt, tweed jacket and jeans.’ On anyone else what he was wearing would look stupid, but on him the combination was just right. The French had such a flair for fashion.

  Lauren shrugged. ‘He looks okay, I suppose. But seriously, if I had a choice between him and Zach, I know who I’d go for.’

  ‘It’s just as well you don’t have a choice, isn’t it?’ I snapped. ‘I’m going to get another drink.’

  ‘I thought you said you wanted to go?’

  ‘I don’t want to go quite yet. André might come over and say hello when he sees us.’ I got up.

  ‘Is that wise? You’ve already had a lot to drink.’

  If anyone other than Lauren had said that, I might have listened. But her words only made me all the more determined. ‘You want anything?’ Of course, I knew she would say no. I ordered a vodka with lime and soda and two more shots. It really wasn’t a good idea, but I was in a reckless mood. And I needed this for courage because an idea had just come to me. Tonight I would show Lauren and Zach that André was interested in me, that I wasn’t an obsessed fool, and that I was in charge of my own life. I even bought a packet of smoky barbecue chips as well and be damned to Lauren, who was almost as neurotic over junk food as Kirsty was.

  I caught André’s eye across the room and waved. He smiled and nodded politely but he didn’t come over. Give him time, I thought. If not, I would put my plan in motion. I went back to the table, sat down defiantly and took a large swig of my drink. Lauren looked at me anxiously but said nothing.

  The minutes passed but he still didn’t come over. Just what was wrong with that man? I would have to take the initiative as I’d already decided. Instead of asking him out, I would simply ask him to dance. What was wrong with that? I finished my drink quickly. ‘I’m going to ask him to dance,’ I said.

  ‘Beth, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ Lauren sounded alarmed.

  ‘Don’t be so old-fashioned. It’s okay for the woman to take the initiative occasionally. He’s probably only shy.’

  ‘I don’t think he’s shy. I think—’

  ‘I don’t care what you think. In fact, I’m sick of hearing what you think and everyone else who wants to tell me how to live my life.’ My words came out a little louder than I intended.

  I rose unsteadily. Perhaps that last drink hadn’t been such a good idea, but I would die rather than admit that to anyone right now. I turned my back on Lauren and swayed over to where André was sitting with Paul.

  He looked up and I could see surprise written on his face. Something inside me quaked a little, but it was too late to turn back now. ‘Hi André, how are you?’

  ‘Very well, thanks. It’s good to see you.’ He was, as ever, charming and polite.

  I took a deep breath, ‘I was wondering if you’d like to dance?’ I saw Paul give him a glance and open his mouth about to speak. What was wrong with him? Hadn’t he ever seen a girl ask a guy to dance? Jeez, get with the twenty-first century, why don’t you. I saw André quell him with a look. Of course, he would. He had far more cosmopolitan charm in his little finger than Paul would ever have in his entire life.

  ‘But of course,’ he said and rose gracefully. We went on to the dance floor. It was a slow tune, for which I was so grateful. At last I would feel André’s arms around me. I hoped Zach was still here and watching. I hoped he felt what I had felt when I saw him dancing with Chelsea. Not that that was my motivation for asking André to dance, I told myself.

  André was a beautiful, if somewhat formal, dancer, as I knew he would be. I wasn’t as smooth as I usually was. For some reason, my legs weren’t quite doing what I wanted them to do. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked me.

  ‘Never better,’ I said, putting my head on his shoulder. I saw Zach over in the corner by himself. The glance he shot me was murderous. Good. I snuggled a bit closer.

  ‘Umm. Beth?’

  ‘Yes?’ I looked at him and his beautiful face seemed to swim in front of my eyes.

  ‘I think perhaps you should sit down. You don’t seem altogether well.’

  My patience snapped. ‘I’m fine. Don’t you get it André? I really like you and I’ve been trying to get you to like me for weeks? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t you like me?’ My voice started to wobble and I felt suspiciously close to tears. Oh dear, I was making a mess of this.

  ‘I do like you as a student, a friend even, but there is something you need to know.’

  ‘What?’ I felt a traitorous tear roll down my cheek.’

  ‘I’m gay. Paul and I have been going out for a few months now.’

  If the floor had opened up right now and swallowed me, I would have been happy. If I could be instantly teleported to another planet, I would have been ecstatic. If I could freeze time, then rewind it and then decide not to ask André to dance, I would have cried with joy and even kissed my sister—who must have seen instantly that my French teacher was gay when he put his arm around Paul’s shoulder. That little detail had escaped my memory until just now. I thought it was just some manly Gallic custom and I dismissed it from my mind as irrelevant.

  ‘Oh God’ times a thousand.

  The room began to circle around me. I do believe those barbecue chips were off. They were not agreeing with my digestive system at all. I was not going to spew, I was not going to spew, I was not going to … I spewed. All on the floor, maybe even on André’s shoes, certainly on mine and in front of—well, everyone. I felt my knees go weak.

  I heard several voices call my name at once, and then I sank to the floor, and my sister rushed over to me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I was never going to drink again—ever. As a matter of fact I was never going out in public again. Perhaps I’d stay in my room like those Japanese adult children, who lived in their rooms for months, years on end just playing computer games and avoiding the real world. Sounded pretty good to me at the moment.

  A knock on the door vibrated in my head like thunder. I winced as the door
opened and Lauren poked her head through. ‘Morning. How are you?’

  ‘What do you think?’ I said, not in my most perky tone.

  Still in her pajamas, she came in with a glass of water, which she put on the bedside table and then sat at the foot of my bed. ‘Mum and Dad have gone to work, so I thought I’d hang around here till I saw how you were.’

  ‘Thanks. I guess I’ll live. Though I’m not sure I want to.’

  ‘Oh, it wasn’t so bad,’ she said consolingly.

  ‘Not so bad! How much worse could it get? I made a complete and utter fool of myself. I can never go to French class again, that’s for sure. And as for Zach,’ I shuddered and buried my head under the blankets.

  ‘He brought you home, you know.’

  I whipped the blankets off my head and sat up straight. ‘What? I don’t remember that.’

  ‘No, I guess you wouldn’t. I brought you outside and you kind of passed out. Both Zach and the French guy came out to see if you were okay. Zach said he would take us home. We got you up and into that ute of his in a matter of seconds. André even offered to take us home as well, but I figured you’d rather it was Zach. At least he’s still available. André, I believe, is taken.’ She giggled.

  I glared at her. ‘I don’t see anything funny to laugh about.’

  ‘Oh, come on, you have to admit it was a bit funny. And now, at least you know about André.’

  ‘I don’t know how I didn’t realise it before. I’m such an idiot. All those times he was with Paul and his complete lack of interest in me or in any other female that I could see.’

  ‘Don’t beat yourself up about it. I wasn’t sure myself when they first came into Bart’s last night and then I saw André put his arm around Paul’s shoulder and it kind of clicked. I tried to warn you.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ I closed my eyes trying to blot out the memory. ‘You said Zach brought me home. What happened to his girlfriend?’ I opened my eyes at an unpleasant thought. Surely she hadn’t been there to witness my complete humiliation?

  ‘She’s not his girlfriend, although she would be if she could, I’m sure. He took her home earlier in the night and then came back to see you. Doesn’t that tell you something?’

  ‘I don’t know, Lauren. At this point I don’t know anything any more. What about Mum and Dad? What did they say when I staggered into the house last night?’

  ‘They didn’t even see you. They were already in bed. So, your secret’s safe with me. Though I am open to bribery,’ she said and smiled. ‘Come on,’ she said, getting off the bed. ‘Let’s have some breakfast. It’s after nine o’clock.’

  I groaned. ‘Crack of dawn, plus I don’t think I could eat anything right now.’

  ‘Toast and tea, that won’t hurt you,’ she pulled the blankets off me and tugged me up.

  ‘You’re a sadist, you know that?’ I grumbled.

  ‘Tough love, that’s what it’s called. You’ll feel better once you’re up and about. You never were much of a drinker, so it hit you for six. But you’ll get over it.

  I followed her out to the kitchen. ‘I mixed my drinks. I had shots.’

  Lauren winced. ‘Never a good idea. Put the kettle on and I’ll make the toast.’

  I decided to go to work, despite my thumping headache. It was better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Luckily, Monday was a fairly slow day and there weren’t too many customers. During the break, I sat in the staff room at the back, nursing a cup of coffee. Derek was there.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, trying to smile despite the tightness in my head.

  ‘Hi,’ he answered in an almost normal tone. ‘How are things going?’

  Not a question I wanted to answer at the moment, so I said, ‘Okay, but I’ve got a bit of a headache at the moment.’

  ‘Do you want a Panadol? We’ve got some here in the kitchen cabinet.’ He went over and got a packet, then gave them to me.

  ‘Thanks,’ I gave him a grateful look and swallowed a couple.

  ‘So, what’s been happening with you lately?’ he asked.

  ‘Mum and Dad came home on the weekend, so we had a family barbecue,’ I said, thinking that would be a safe topic.

  ‘I thought you said they were coming home last weekend?’ He said, starting to look a little hurt again.

  Oops, I remembered I had used that excuse to get out of going to his cousin’s engagement party. Looked like I was back at ground zero with Derek again. ‘Must have got my dates mixed up,’ I mumbled.

  ‘It’s all right. You don’t have to lie. I know you don’t like me.’ He sounded resigned.

  ‘No, that’s not true. I do like you, very much—as a friend. In fact I like you too much as friend to use you to go out with and pretend there’s something between us.’

  I looked at Derek, thinking how nice he was, just like Lisa. Then a thought struck me. ‘You know, you should ask Lisa out.’

  ‘Lisa?’ he said as if the thought had never occurred to him.

  ‘Yeah, she’s really cool. I think you two would have a lot in common.’

  ‘Hmm, I don’t know. My uncle’s fiftieth is coming up soon.’

  ‘Ask her. I’m sure she’d love to go.’

  ‘I’ll think about it.’ He stood up, ‘I should get back to work. By the way, how’s Zach?’

  I rolled my eyes, ‘Don’t ask. I don’t think that anything going to happen there.’

  ‘That’s the thing, isn’t it? The people we want never seem to want us back.’ There was a sad note to his voice.

  ‘That’s not always going to be the case for you, Derek,’ I said softly. But in my case, I thought, truer words were never spoken.

  I never really expected to hear from Zach, but I had hoped he might send a text or something. Yet, after checking my phone about a million times over the next few days, there was nothing. What did I expect? I had not only made a complete and utter fool of myself, but I made it clear to Zach I wasn’t interested in him so many times. A lie. I had always wanted Zach, but because of my stupid deluded dreams, I wouldn’t admit my feelings for him were far more than lust. Too late, I realised I loved Zach. He had been there for me every time I’d needed him, even last night. I knew my choosing to dance with André was more to make Zach jealous than to hit on my French teacher. I hated that Zach had been with Chelsea, because I wanted him to be with me.

  And another thing, although it burned me to admit it, my sister had been right. I had never been in love with André; I had been in love with an idea. I hadn’t even bothered to get to know him well enough to realise he was gay. He had always been polite, pleasant even and perhaps had tried to send me signals that I had chosen to ignore. Poor guy, he was probably just as embarrassed as me about that night, but he certainly handled it better.

  I had a lot to think about. I didn’t go to French class that week. I just couldn’t face André. As a matter of fact, my love of all things French had taken a big hit. I took down my reproductions of Toulouse Lautrec, put my French cookbook at the back of my bookcase and threw away my tattered Guide to France. Then I opened my laptop and went to the websites of several universities to see what degree courses they offered.

  There was one more thing I had to do. I didn’t want to, but I knew it had to be done. I had to face Zach, even if it was just to thank him for taking me home that night. It was obvious he wouldn’t contact me again. I had burned my bridges there. But I needed to tell him I was sorry. Sorry I made snap judgments about him, sorry I used him (imagine phoning him in the middle of the night and then when he came, still acting like he didn’t mean anything to me) and most of all, sorry I hadn’t told him the truth about my feelings for him.

  He had a few things to explain to me too. Like why he hadn’t told me he was the owner of an Australian wide chain of stores or that he had been to France several times and probably knew more about it than I would ever know.

  But it was my turn to take the initiative, and this time with the right guy.

  I
waited until Friday night to drive to his place. I dressed with care in my best jeans and the lace black top that I knew set off my auburn hair. Looking good would give me the confidence I needed to carry this through—I hoped.

  As I drove up the winding driveway to his place, I looked out for Dave. Jeez, I hoped he was as friendly as Zach said he was. I saw the ute parked out the front, so at least Zach was home, though at this point I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not about that.

  As I walked up to the front door, I heard Dave’s deep-chested barks from around the back. I looked warily around, but there was no sign of him hurtling towards me. I realised that he must be fenced in. Giving a relieved sigh, I lifted my hand to knock at the front door, but before I had a chance it was opened.

  Zach, looking as hot as ever, even though he only had a dark T-shirt and jeans, looked down at me, waiting.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, ‘mind if I come in?’

  Chapter Fourteen

  He opened the door wide and motioned for me to enter, then led the way to the lounge. I sat down in the armchair and he sat on the sofa opposite me. ‘What’s the problem?’ he said.

  Of course he would think there was a problem. That seemed to be the only time I contacted him. I took a deep breath. ‘No problem. I just have a few things to say to you.’

  ‘Shoot,’ he said. Not exactly a promising beginning. I might have been one of those door-to-door people trying to sell Foxtel or phone plans, for all the encouragement he was giving me.

  I took a deep breath. ‘I came to say thank you for taking me home on Sunday night. I wasn’t in any condition to say it at the time, but I really appreciate it and so does my sister.’

  ‘No worries,’ he said. ‘You could have texted me. No need to come all the way out here for that.’

  He wasn’t making this easy for me. Never mind, press on, I told myself. ‘I also wanted to say I was sorry. I’ve been an idiot, no one knows that better than me, and I haven’t treated you very well at all. I judged you before I even knew you and because of my stupid obsession with everything French, I never even gave you a chance. I really regret that.’